January 2010
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It feels as if i shouldn’t be here. We’re all going to waste away anyway.
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during the week i let myself get in to terribly bad moods. It came to friday evening when i realized I’m just an unhappy fuck who has no reason to be. Ok things aren’t perfect, but they’re never going to be. I need to stop questioning things and learn to accept that this is how things are and i don’t want it to change. And if i don’t want it to change then it...
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I’m getting sick and tired of this. I hate how i want to sleep, but i’m staying up hoping i get a call… even though i know i wont. I don’t know what’s happened, but i can sense it all falling apart.
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This is might aswel be fiction, because it matters...
brogacyhahaha:
I hate just feeling like this all the time, I never asked for this, I was fine the way I was, but now I’m on this slippery slope and there’s no hope for me, I’m just gonna keep falling and falling, and there won’t be any end to it, and I can’t even find the will to try and stop myself, it’s not fair how one moment can lead to such a massive change in my life, it’s not fair, it’s...
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I fail at dieting. I’m not doing the “i want to lose weight” diet, i just wanted to become a bit more healthier. But yes, it goes well for a few days, and then fails.
Yesterday i was looking at my word documents on my desktop, and found stuff people wrote to me two years ago. Half those people i don’t talk to anymore. It sucks. Things happen for reasons though, right?
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So today is actually bright outside. I was so tempted to go for a walk wearing the bare minimum, until i realized that it’s still January. Again, times going fast but not fast enough. Even when it passes i still remain the same anyway, so i can’t win. The only thing that’s changing is my capability, i can’t do anything anymore… I will find someone i am good at...
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I’m getting pretty stressed with school work now, especially as i only have two weeks to do two English Lit essays. The whole reason i left them for so long is because i needed help.
I need to write my Othello essay but i have no idea where to write what or how to write it. I’m so confused with the order of the play as well.
I’d ask our teacher, Mrs Holmes to help me, but she...
I suppose I have a really loose interpretation of “work” because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don’t always want to do. Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. People are working every minute. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep.
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Saving money means not wasting money on making myself fat.
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I swear al i do these days is eat and sleep, sleep and eat. I get home from school, eat and then go to bed, wake up to eat and then go back to bed until i wake up for school the next day. I’m not too sure if i like this :/
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formspring.me
If you could tell the whole world one thing, what would it be?
This is hard, right now… I’d tell the world to stop giving people misery. I’d tell the people of the world, it’s okay in the end… and if it’s not okay then you just haven’t reached it yet.
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
You care so much that you’ve stopped caring.
Sometimes i believe this, and sometimes it scares me… but i’ve figured, for it to scare me, i have to care, right? I don’t know anymore… but i know i care a lot about so much, sometimes i just like to pretend it all away. Trust me, i care.
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
No, you’re not still you.
ermmmm…. maybe we should talk properly… I find it hard to discuss stuff like this on here on such breif statements. All i know is if it’s been a while, truth is i probably have changed and bit, as of everyone else. But i’m still me. I’m sorry if i’ve upset you or anyone :(.
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
I miss Amy Anderson.
We should hang out sometime then :) I’m still me =]
Ask me anything
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I need to sleep.
Goodnight.
formspring, keep me occupied. →
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formspring.me
Sometimes it would be nice if I could say to you ‘just keep breathing’, and you would.
You just set me off again, but in a smiley sort of way… if that makes any sense. I always have the trouble of breathing rightly… Thank you for caring.
Ask me anything
“Six syllables in her name and an Aries moon hidden in one eye crying, she wishes to be sixteen and drunk forever. When her veins are a sparkle her words spill like champagne; sweetened with the resonation of designate solitude, effusive with elusive longing demurely admitted. A perfect dilettante, the hollows among her clavicle filled with bergamot tea and skim milk skin- each shadow...
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I’ve made myself into a mess again. I have no idea why.
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I lost my phone today in the snow, in the same place i lost my other one. I don’t know how i managed to do this… there’s no way i could have done, i was looking at it every two minutes. Losing stuff when I’m on my own makes me paranoid… i get this strange feeling someone’s following me.
I always lose things when I’m stressed. I’ve been pretty bad...
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i actually got some sleep eventually last night. I woke up so late for school, and was all sleepy and grumpy. And then at half ten school closes anyway. Thanks.
Life’s a bitch.
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I’m happy.
As lame as it is, Grant just put his laptop on my side of his bed, put his web cam on and his light low, said goodnight and is now asleep. The only way I’d be happier is if i was really there. Now i don’t want to go to bed and leave him :( oh dear Amy.
“Stop looking for reasons, you don’t need them. Just accept you are the way you are and react if your upset, or unhappy, be upset and unhappy talk with the people you know dont mind you vomiting verbiage on them, haha.
If your happy be happy with the people who help elevate that, looking for reasons will drive you insane. I’ve spend alot of time looking for reasons to the way i...
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:/
If it wasn’t for my friend’s, I’d end it all right now. And sometimes I’m scared that my friend’s aren’t even here.
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I haven’t slept for a few days, and i have no idea why. I thought everything was going so well for once: i have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, the best days, the best nights, education to look forward too and a whole new year of things I’ve been waiting for. But i guess, like my sister says, nobody really cares about me.
I don’t really know what happened to us, we used...
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I hate it when things don’t work, it’s as if everything is destined to break around me… even my stomach. I swear there is like five people inside me eating all this food. I need to stop.
The snow is meant to visit again, but it probably wont come here… This town sucks.
I have too much on my mind to type.
I wish i could disappear.
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I can't explain what is going on in my head right...
truecolours:
it feels like a bus just crashed straight through my skull. My Mother has been re-admitted into The Lakes mental health unit. She won’t let me visit her with my Dad because she “can’t face seeing me” … it’s like history repeating itself really. I don’t usually get so personal on this blog, but I needed to get this out. I can’t fucking deal with it all over again. Oh and incase you...
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The world around me feels to be getting older, but i feel as if i haven’t moved. I remain the same but different: less intelligent, less exciting, less enthusiastic…and fat. I’m sick of watching everything pass me by, like I’m broken down in the middle of the road and all I’m left with is regret that i didn’t pick a better drive. It’s as if I’m being...
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I hate being ill. sneeze sneeze sneeze.
